Author Caught Plagiarising Every Book Ever Written. Ever.

Brooklyn  –  The price of class-action lawyers has spiked this week as evidence emerged that popular author and “Man of the Book” Jonathan Basile has shamelessly plagiarised every piece of text ever written. Ever.

His collection is currently displayed at the where he has brazenly left it out in the open for the whole world to see. A group of outraged scholarly individuals have formed a rally outside Basile’s apartment where they have been chanting “stop copying me, stop copying me” for three days. Basile has been seen taunting the crowd with a page from The Library of Babel, the title reading “Stop Copying Me” followed by a list of the first, second, and third names of every single person in the crowd, listed in alphabetical order, followed by what they ate for breakfast, and exactly what they think of the person who cooked it.

The library contains every possible combination of 1,312,000 characters, in lower case letters, space, comma, and period. Which means: if you can write it on a page, it’s in there somewhere. The Library of Babel contains a detailed description of the day you were born and an equally detailed description of how you’re going to die. So, understandably people around the world have been delving into its volumes to see what they can dig up.

Richard Dawkins found an up-to-date version of the Bible wherein every mentioning of the word “God” has been replaced with “The Tooth Fairy”. 

Justin Bieber accidentally read a copy of his own autobiography and imploded into a self obsessed black hole into which Beliebers have been fearlessly throwing themselves.  

Kanye West has spent time looking for a trace of text that may help him become the U.S. President of the Entire World but has found the library inexplicably sparse on the subject.

Incidentally  –  Jonathan Basile has issued a warning against potential lawsuits by promising litigators, he’ll simply sue them back at his earliest possible convenience for anything they ever write again.


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