Health Experts say: Politicians give you Cancer

Geneva – The recent World Health Organisation (WHO) ruling that outlined the carcinogenic effects of red meat, has been amended to include political advice as another leading cause of cancer, when consumed in large quantities by humans.

In a statement released on Friday, WHO representatives said: “We understand that our original ruling left many politicians feeling a little hard done by – especially the ones who’s political careers are largely funded by the meat industry. However, we feel the subsequent dismissal of our findings from within the political sphere were motivated by, at best, economic pressure; and at worst, something you’d read at McDonald’s.”

“If Politicians are going to insist on giving dietary advise based on economics rather than health, then we think it’s only fair to add political advice to the list of things that may be bad for human consumption.”

Politicians have been quick to respond to the WHO’s accusations, with one public official saying: “the insinuation that politicians would advise the public based on things that they read, is ridiculous. Nobody reads anymore. Especially not after the 1986 World Meat Organisation ruling that reading is a major cause of cancer, along with salad, tofu and people who work for the RSPCA.”

Incidentally  –  the World Health Organisation has gone on to suggest that presenting public servants in “plain packaging” – requiring the removal of all branding, colours, imagery, corporate logos and trademarks – could help to drive down demand for potentially harmful political bullshit.

 

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