Mountain View – Leaked documents from the SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) Institute have revealed that scientists have recently made contact with intelligent life from beyond our solar system, but that the Aliens have requested “more thinking time” before they’re ready to officially open communications with people from planet earth.
The documents suggest that an Alien planet near Gliese 518-D picked up a wayward Earthly television signal from 2009. The Alien species immediately sent a series of reply signals. The translated Alien correspondence follows:
Message 1: December 3rd, 2009
Subject: Fancy seeing you here!
Dear people of Earth. Throughout our history we have wondered about the possibilities of life on planets, other than our own. Today, with the discovery of your signal, our dreams have come true. We are all very excited to hear from you. Aside from the your current location, we have yet to decipher the information contained within your message, though we have our greatest scientific minds working on it as we speak, and we expect to crack the code shortly. Please take this reply as a sign of our good will, and of our eagerness to meet with you in peace as soon as our combined technologies will allow.
Message 2: January 2nd, 2010
Subject: We’ve done it!
Our scientists have cracked the code. We are constructing a device now that will allow us to watch your ‘Season One of Jersey Shore’ and eagerly await the multitude of meaningful lessons that undoubtably reside within.
Message 3: January 3rd, 2010
Subject: it isn’t you, it’s us.
Hi. In the interest of being timely, we’ve stayed up late to send you this message. It has become clear that you deserve better than us. We just need some time to think, and to work on ourselves for a bit. We have begun to feel as though you and us are on different paths. The truth is, you deserve better. We’re just not ready for a relationship right now. It isn’t you, it’s us. We’ll call you.
Scientists at SETI have confessed to feeling gently let down.