Celebrity Aussie extremist Shermon Burgess, has had to re-think the marketing strategy for his anti Islamic, right-wing book club, Reclaim Australia, after the Australian Federal Police (AFP) mistakenly added him to their terrorist watch-list.
In a subsequent raid of Burgess’ property, armed federal agents were “talked down” by The Great Aussie Patriot, who was apparently right in the middle of delivering a passionate, patriotic sermon, to a video camera in his basement.
Sources from within the AFP have told The Incidentally that they were “physically overcome by The Great Aussie Patriot’s powerful patriotic message.”
“We immediately knew that we would be absolutely powerless to arrest this man, or even interrupt him… Which is convenient, because, as it turned out, he was perfectly innocent of any actual crimes.”
The AFP has since removed Shermon from the watch-list and released a statement of apology by writing the words “This was, obviously, just a massive error in judgement” onto the backs of three goats and then released them out the front door of AFP headquarters.
Shermon, who sensed the goats might be trying to implement sharia law, hunted the goats down, and shot them all to death.
Shermon Burgess, has spent his entire political career sending shockwaves into the world of inductive reasoning. His proclaimed views and actions, beg the question: if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, generally doesn’t like other things that aren’t ducks like a duck, and incites religiously motivated violence whilst draped patriotically in a giant flag like a duck, then, who are you to say he’s not simply trying to infiltrate the ducks, covertly work his way deep into the heart of the duck’s organisation, and thus construct a conduit, through which he can peacefully return all these bloody ducks to wherever the hell they came from.
If you – like me – didn’t completely understand that metaphor then please share it with your friends to see if they can help you out. If you did, I’d urge you to immediately seek medical attention, as you could be a functioning psychotic.