In an effort to repel further criticism over a taxpayer-funded $800,000 error in judgment, house speaker Bronwyn Bishop has sought advice from the recently famous lion killer Walter “RhinoDecapitator” Palmer, on how she can help to contain the situation.

In a recent correspondence, Palmer – who made his way into the public eye, by shooting the Zimbabwean celebrity: Cecil the Friendly Lion – told Bishop: “it seems that the age old tactic of simply closing ones eyes and waiting for “the bad thing” to go away, is about as useful for your reputation, as a fart in a jacuzzi.”

The collaboration has prompted a “duel apology” posted to the increasingly popular website:

The apology has been addressed, rather broadly, to “all the Australian people, anyone who may be seeking dental work in Minnesota, and anyone who gives two shits about anything to do with nature”, and follows:

We – Bronwyn Bishop and Walter “JaguarSkinner” Palmer – would like to convey how sorry we are, that you all feel that way.

“We understand and respect that not everyone shares the same views on hunting defenceless animals and flying around in expensive helicopters while worthless peasants take the bus, as we do.

“We had no idea you would find out, when the lion and all that money went missing. We relied on the expertise of local professionals and guides to ensure all our hobbies remained hidden under the radar.

“We deeply regret that our pursuit of activities we love and practice responsibly and legally result in the evident taking of lions and tax dollars.

“It was never our intention to have to apologise for this behaviour, however, the media interest in this matter – along with a substantial number of comments and calls from people who are angered by this situation and by the practice of hunting and generally taking the piss – has disrupted our business and our ability to continue making enough money to keep ourselves in the manner to which we have become accustomed.

“So, if it will make you feel any better, we are profoundly sorry that you are all so angry right now, and also for this inconvenience. And we promise you that we will do our best to resume normal operations as soon as possible.

“Sorry that you’re upset.

“Bronwyn Bishop and Walter “FuckLions” Palmer.

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