With November 8, 2016 approaching more rapidly than a barrage of Jewish backlash toward Tony Abbott’s recently published “A Coffee Drinker’s Guide to Timely Holocaust Remarks“, Sweet-16 is just around the corner.
As global excitement levels break new ground, man, woman, and child-kind alike, are strapping themselves in once again, in-front of televisions, telephones, radios, telephones to people in-front of televisions, laptop computers, those fridges with televisions in them, logistically advantageous locations for spotting smoke signals all around the world, for what is likely to be the most entertaining, most expensive, most emotionally draining event in the entire history of mankind – The Ultimate Heavy-Weight Championship Title Fight for the United States Undisputed Mega President of The Entire World.
President Barrack Obama – the best thing to happen to America since healthcare, recapitalised banks and Moammar Gaddafi being a corpse became “good things” – will not be eligible for the bout, thanks to the twenty-second amendment. Twenty-two, incidentally, being both, the exact number of declared candidates featured in major polls, right now, and; the same number of “double-sized big-Macs” Donald Trump has sent to Chinese President Xi Jinping, since his campaign started in June.
The upcoming campaign has already inspired many thoughtful intellectuals around the world, to ask: is humankind ready for what we are about to receive? This could be, the coolest thing since the Cold War; the most enlightening event since Edison’s light bulb; the most giant leap for mankind since Neil Armstrong stepped onto the moon and said “shit, I think I locked my keys in there!”; the biggest come-back for politics since Jesus Christ came back from the dead and said “I’m starving. Fish and wine anyone? My buy”.
The truth is, that whether we are prepared or not, this presidential campaign is coming. It is coming hard, and it is coming fast. And it is coming all over every single media outlet that you could possibly think of. Including this one. We intend to milk this for absolutely everything it’s got. So stay tuned, Incidentals. Subscriptions – recommended. Comments – mandatory. Satire – guaranteed.