Canberra – Following a contemptuous dismissal last week of a World Health Organisation (WHO) ruling that bacon, ham and sausages rank alongside tobacco as a major cause of cancer, Barnaby Joyce has been caught snacking on a giant salad sandwich for lunch rather than his usual: bacon, ham and sausage, tightly sandwiched between two freshly baked slices of steak.
The sandwich has been labeled by health experts as “suspiciously good for your health” with one WHO member commenting that “I imagine Barnaby will be heading back to his cave after this, for a delicious dinner of coconut water and non-starchy vegetables.”
Barnaby Joyce – the Minister for Agriculture and head of the “Society of Aussies Against Tourism for Dogs” – has called the WHO ruling a “farce”, saying “I don’t think that we should get too excited about eating sausages. Eating a sausage does not automatically mean you’re going to die from bowel cancer. You might get bowel cancer but that doesn’t mean it’s going to kill you; people survive bowel cancer all the time. If you got everything that the World Health Organisation says is carcinogenic, and took it out of your daily life, you’d be back to living a cave.”
In the wake of the controversy, the World Health Organisation is considering an amendment to the title of their report so as to include Politicians as another major cause of cancer. “If Politicians are going to insist on giving dietary advise based on economics rather than health, then we think it’s only fair to add political advise to the list of things that may be bad for human consumption.”
Barnaby has denied eating the salad.
Incidentally – the Australian meat industry’s research and development corporation, Meat and Livestock Australia (MLA) has released their own ruling designed to counter that of WHO, that simply declares “You Do NOT Make Friends With Salad”.