Coca-Cola “SURGE” Praised for Honesty in Advertising

Coca-Cola, the popular carbonated beverage dispenser and long-time supporter of Diabetes – the disease – has received praise for their upcoming re-release of SURGE soda, and their decision to continue packaging the drink in what appears to be a warning for toxic sludge. 

 

The decision to stick with the “honest label” comes after the company’s recent success with another sincere label “Coke-Zero”.

Zero, being the number of times it’s safe to drink a Coke-Zero before it becomes likely you’ve ingested some phosphoric acid. Which is fine if you’re trying to dissolve a nail in your stomach or you desperately need to  polish your coin collection but you’ve been held up by the fact that you accidentally swallowed it.

Surge Movement, a Facebook page calling on Coca-Cola to bring ba
Surge Movement, a Facebook page calling on Coca-Cola to bring back its Surge soda, put up this billboard in 2013 near Coke’s Atlanta headquarters.

According to marketing sources, Coca-Cola decided to go ahead with the reSURGEnce, following desperate calls from die-hard Surge super-fans via the Facebook group – “SURGE Movement“. The three men who spear-headed the movement went so far as to buy a billboard that reads: “Dear Coke, we couldn’t buy Surge so we bought this billboard instead.” This of course raises the question: “if they couldn’t buy Surge, why didn’t they just Mountain Dew instead?”

Well. Because they are heavily, heavily addicted to SURGE, that’s why.

The sentiment from Coca-Cola seems to be that so long as they’re not allowed to put cocaine in their drinks – and this is something they have promised to never, ever do again – they will continue to keep their consumers locked-in by pushing their products to saturation point, with as much sugar (which, mercifully, is only eight times as addictive as cocaine) as carbonated fluids can physically handle. While I have to give them credit with SURGE soda – that label at least looks as toxic as its contents – I can’t help but wish they’d take it just one step further, by adding a list of thing to the back of the bottle that will SURGE, if you accidentally drink this stuff. Namely, thirst, weight, urination, and type 2 diabetes.

Incidentally – SURGE, for those who don’t remember, is a throw-back to the enigmatic 1990’s flavour – citrus,  and to the idea that people who drink Mountain Dew are just babies that lack a certain “hardcore edge” that only 42 grams of sugar per serve, can deliver. We asked a spokesman from Pepsi (creators of Mountain Dew) for a statement on the return of SURGE, and the best he could muster, was to cower timidly behind the nearest trash-can and patiently wait for us to leave.

 

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