WINDOWS 10 USERS REMINDED TO TURN IT OFF THEN ON AGAIN

Following the apparently “much anticipated” release of Windows 10, users who decided to opt-in to Window’s in-your-face advertising and campaigning for the new operating system cum lifetime subscription service, have found themselves very satisfied.

Most users were pleased by the performance of Windows 10 as it threw their devices into a deep state of catatonic inertness. Microsoft, well known for its ability to consistently produce bugs, crashes and glitches with its products, has by all accounts met the expectations of its stakeholders and cult fanatic Apple-haters.

There are however, a few frazzled customers.  One “Macintosh” user informed us (by an email, signed “Sent through my iPhone. Better than your phone.  Unless it’s an iPhone.  It’s not an iPhone unless its an iPhone.”) that she thought it was all just a bit hyped up:

“It’s just fancy smooth flowing visuals and effective viral marketing, I don’t see what all the fuss is about.”

Other users have complained about built-in battery-draining customer support “Cortana”, complaining that the humanoid assistant is a form of slavery that goes against all their well thought out feminist beliefs, while other users have different complaints:

“That Cortana chick just doesn’t put out.”

Ultimately, Microsoft has advised that they will meet the nostalgia of the market with the classic Microsoft everyone has come to know and love by advising those facing issues with Windows 10 not to call their “regional” call centres or utilize their roboticized automatic email system, but instead to simply restart their computers a few times.

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